18!

That's how many weeks along I am (actually closer to 19 now, but whatever).  My tummy has officially "popped" and I no longer have to constantly debate in my head whether I look overweight or just preggers.  The bad news is that my pants are just not working for me anymore, and I hate using the Bella Band and rubber bands, although I also hate the idea of maternity pants.  So mostly I just want to hang out in soft pants (my name for sweats) but the hubs isn't always thrilled with that.  I must admit, it would be somewhat disheartening to come home every night after a long day to find your un-showered, soft-pant-wearing, dog-hair-covered wife.  Who's usually stressed about something insignificant, like how annoying our dogs are and how their barking sends me to crazy land.

In other news, we got our Xmas tree, and I love it!  I love Christmas and am too excited for next year, when we'll have our very own baby bee to celebrate with.  We decorated Friday night with a fire and everything.  Fantastic.  We also talked today about how we want to handle holidays with family once we have the bee...and reached no conclusions.  Is it awful that I don't mind spending holidays with my fam but don't want his around every year?  Whoops, didn't just say that.  How do other people handle this, especially when one family lives in town? 

Currently obsessing about nurseries and whether we can buy a home before the babe comes or not...it'll be tricky and we'll definitely be house-poor, but it would be worth it to finally have our own place that I can decorate to my heart's (or at least my wallet's) content.  We'll see...

And OMG, the biggest news yet!!  I can't believe I'm silly enough to have forgotten to write about this till now, but the baby just reminded me.  That's right, I can feel him!  Or her...it's taken me a few weeks of thinking "wait, is that it?  or is that it?  or wait what was that??" before I have finally decided I definitely feel it moving around and kicking in there.  It's much lower down in my abdomen than I thought, closer to my pubic bone (sorry) than my bellybutton for sure.  Is that normal at 18 weeks?  I thought my uterus was supposed to be nearly to my bellybutton by now, but who knows.  Anyway, even the hubs felt it last night!  It was so cool, although the downside is that when I don't feel him for awhile I get nervous that something's wrong.  I can usually feel something every day lately, but for awhile there it was only every few days so I wasn't sure what was going on. 

Off to eat some delicious Cracker Barrel biscuits...that's right, still craving carbs.  And Nutella and potato chip sandwiches!  Mmmm the best.

So it's been awhile...

And I don't even have the excuse of working!  Thanksgiving was crazy busy but I can say that it was a successful dinner for 7.  Having the 'rents and the in-laws together was stressful, not least due to some typical yet-still-frustrating communication problems on the part of the in-laws.  With their various and innumerable dietary issues, a holiday meal was a challenge, but i think it turned out OK.

Anyway, what is this blog all about...oh yeah, pregnancy!  I'm doing much better in terms of diet, though still having trouble with meat.  There's still an occasional whiff of nausea when I'm eating something, but overall it's do-able.  The heartburn's a lot better, too.  BUT, (of course!), a new annoyance has popped up, which is insomnia.  UGH I hate it!  I'm tired pretty much all the time (what's with all those people who say fatigue goes away during the 2nd tri??  Mine is worse than ever!) but as soon as I crawl into bed at night, I'm instantly awake and TWITCHY.  Oh, so horribly, annoyingly, screamingly twitchy.  I've hear that restless leg syndrome can be a problem in pregnancy, but I have restless arm syndrome!  So the first couple hours in bed are pretty miserable, and then finally I go to sleep.  Sometimes I wake up around 4 or 5 and have another bout, which is the worst.  So weird, and really not good for all the fatigue.

So, being at home...getting used to it, and also bored of it.  It's a weird combination of boredom and being tired, so that I'll have a list of stuff to do (not a huge or very hard list, mostly cleaning or laundry) and won't be able to get through it without a struggle.  I really, really should be walking the doggies everyday, but somehow it's hard to get myself to do it.  I'm doing OK getting in some prenatal yoga most days, which is good.  Overall, I could use some help with the inertia problem.

Getting bigger, finally, though I still don't know that I look pregnant.  I waffle between feeling huge and not huge enough.  We went to Dan's work Xmas party on Friday and he hadn't told many people, so I got ALOT of weird looks.  You could practically see people were thinking, "is she pregnant or just fat?"  Fun.

So, nursery update: I've found a nursery furniture set that i LOVE LOVE LOVE.  Yes, it's a million dollars, but hopefully I can convince my parents to buy it (they've agreed to furnish the nursery which is a HUGE help).  It's Oeuf, which is known for beautiful, sturdy nursery furniture and I heart it.  It's the Sparrow collection and I can't decide if I like white:

http://www.oeufnyc.com/images/products/detail/sparrow_crib_white_lg.jpg

Or grey:

http://www.oeufnyc.com/images/products/detail/sparrow_crib_grey_lg.jpg

And I've found some fabric I heart for the crib set, which I will attempt to sew myself:

http://www.amybutlerdesign.com/images/fabrics/soul_blossom/hd_joy2.gif

http://www.amybutlerdesign.com/images/fabrics/soul_blossom/hd_bliss2.gif

http://www.amybutlerdesign.com/images/fabrics/soul_blossom/hd_joy1.gif

They're all from Amy Butler's Soul Blossoms line, which is so beautiful and vibrant.  Hopefully it won't be too jarring for a nursery!  Dan likes another set of fabrics that are more vintage, but I can't turn these down.  Crossing my fingers it won't be too hard to sew all this stuff myself!

14 weeks and counting!

So I officially made it through my first trimester, although my doctor said I was done with it way back at the start of week 12.  The discrepancies between my baby book, which says things like the trimesters are 14 weeks and that the first 2 weeks of pregnancy are just your period and then the week before you ovulate, and my doc, who says the first tri is 12 weeks and that you're pregnant when you're pregnant--all this is confusing.  I'm trying to just listen to the doc but it's tempting to not let myself have the security of being into the 2nd tri until 14 weeks.  Oh well. 

It's been nice being at home.  I've gotten some sewing done--3 pillows for the couch (although Pablo ate one of them already!) and hopefully a pouf ottoman before Thanksgiving.  I'm also starting to pick things out for the nursery!  I really haven't felt like shopping for anything baby until the last week or so, which has correlated to slooooow-ly feeling better.  The nausea is now pretty fleeting and I don't have it every day.  I still have a pitifully small appetite and crave mostly carbs, but I'm getting better at eating fruit & veg.  Meat is still pretty nasty to me, unless it's in small pieces.  Dan made some chicken for breakfast a couple mornings ago (I know, it's weird) and the smell of it alone made me sick.  Ugh.

Not much else is new...a pretty boring post today.  Can't wait for my next appointment so we can hear the little bee's heart beat again! 

Oh, here's another crib I'm thinking of:

http://www.amazon.com/Stork-Craft-Aspen-Stages-Fixed/dp/B002WYKJOY

 

 

 It's not very eco/non-toxic, I'm afraid, but I'm having a hell of a time finding cribs that are and that don't cost a million dollars.  The few that I've found that are affordable just say stuff like "solid wood with veneers," which means they're still using glue with formaldehyde and other yucky stuff.  The truly green ones are well over $1,000, or I think they're ugly.  What's a mom to do?

What a week...

So lots has changed in the last week.  Sadly, the nausea/heartburn/food aversions haven't changed much--but there has been a little improvement!  I can eat a little more meat now and even a few raw veggies once in a while.  I hope I'm getting enough nutrition to feed the bee, but sometimes it seems impossible.  However, at my 12 week appointment last week, everything seemed fine.  We heard the Bee's heartbeat!  It was 163 or 168, I can't remember.  It took the doc awhile to find it and of course I was sure he wouldn't ever find one...luckily, my pessimism is often unfounded.

In other news, we've started telling people other than family.  My close friends from Michigan were super excited and COULD NOT believe it.  I understand how they felt--when I used to hear that a friend was preggers, it was always a bit of a shock.  We seemed too young!  But now that I'm pregnant, it seems like I've been waiting for this stage for years (which I have, but not always consciously) and that it's about time!  I'll deliver at age 28 and am already trying to figure out when future Bees would be a possibility.  Obvs, this is jumping the gun--I need to focus on getting through this pregnancy and having a healthy, happy Bee at the end of it! 

Two of my mom's friends have already offered to throw me a shower as things get more advanced.  I'm so flattered they thought of me, but there's a tiny part of me that's wondering why my close friends haven't offered.  To be fair, my Michigan friend already offered, but she lives in Portland now and it wouldn't make a whole lot of sense for her to do that.  Super nice of her, though.  Anyway, I'm just complaining because I'm hormonal--many women never have anyone offer to throw them a shower, and I already have two! 

So, the other news: not so great.  Pretty crazy, in fact.  I was fired on Friday.  FIRED.  I never in a million years thought I would be fired--from any job.  I always try really hard and work, have a good attitude, and have been told that I'm a great asset.  However, this development has nothing to do with my performance, and everything to do with the fact that I found out about a contract violation and protested it.  Because I was a temp, they did not have to give me any reason other than "it's not a good fit," which is ridiculous because they were in the middle of giving me a promotion when the shit hit the fan.  SO.  NUTS.  Luckily, my wonderful hubs is an attorney and gave me lots of advice & guidance.  It seems I have a legitimate claim for wrongful termination, but the question is, do I want to pursue it?  I have mixed emotions.  On the one hand, I was screwed and I want things to be made right.  On the other, a lawsuit would just prolong the situation and add more stress to my pregnancy, which isn't good for me or the Bee.  Not sure what to do....

On a lighter note, all this free time has sparked a serious case of nesting syndrome.  (Not to mention it's a relief to know I don't have to go to work every day and wonder if I'll make it through--or to the bathroom to puke!).  Here are some amazing nursery pictures and ideas I've found so far:

LOVE these mobiles.
I hope she comes back from maternity leave in time!

This pillow is the most adorable ever:

 http://www.etsy.com/listing/60312816/new-pond-lily

 

 

 

 

 

As is this print:

 

 

http://www.etsy.com/listing/51705309/don-matias

 

 

 

This crib is so classic and pretty.  I think I'd like more storage though.  Would a crib skirt look weird?

http://www.amazon.com/Davinci-Jenny-Lind-Stationary-White/dp/B002T1HH1I

This nursery is incredible:

As is this one.

In summary, Etsy is amazing and my new best friend, and there are lots of people out there with some serious design sense.  I could spend thousands at the drop of a hat...this could be bad.

Pop Tarts Rule

As you can probably tell from the title of this post, I'm still struggling with "morning" sickness and eating basically nothing but sugary crap.  Pop Tarts are a staple, as are Frosted Flakes, croissants, Baby Bell cheese, and milk.  I'm also completely dependent (in a druggie way) on these hippie supplements from Whole Foods that are keeping me from losing my breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  I guess some of these things are healthy?  Hopefully this kid isn't going to be diabetic or obese or mentally impaired...I mean, this diet can't be good for the little bee.  But I figure my body knows what it's doing and right now it's telling me what's going to fly and what isn't (or what's going to fly into the toilet right after I eat it).  So I'm relatively helpless, as is the hubs who is forced to subsist on a similar diet and run to the store every 5 minutes to get the latest food item I have an inkling I might be able to keep down.  Work is somewhat of a nightmare.  I had to tell my manager about the pregnancy to get some time off, and although she was nice, she hasn't really delivered on making my work life any easier.  I have the morning off tomorrow, which is good, but I have a feeling that's about all I'm going to get.  Meanwhile I'm spending all day working in a public service job that allows me zero privacy/downtime (except lunch breaks) and requires me to be super-friendly to people asking ridiculous questions ("do you have any silly books?" "I want a novel with cats as the main characters" or the best, "wait, I need a library card to take this book home?").

Anyway, this extended whine explains why I haven't posted recently, especially given the exciting news that we just had our first ultrasound!  And we saw (too early to hear) a heartbeat!  At a healthy 185 beats per minute!  Exclamation point!  And here is a photo:

The bee is pretty tiny at the time of this ultrasound, almost 9 weeks and about an inch long.  I'm almost 11 weeks now, and won't have another ultrasound until 20 weeks.  It's kind of nerve-wracking thinking about all the things that will (or might not) happen in the intervening weeks, but I'm trying to have faith that my body knows what it's doing, and so does this baby.

Parents, siblings, and a few select friends have been told.  Although I've started showing, I want to hold off on telling work people (except my manager and a good friend I work with); they'll just be happy to think I'm getting fat. 

So long for now; hopefully by my next post I'll be eating actual vegetables!  Or at least ingesting less than 1,000% of my RDA for sugar.

Making Progress

I think, at least.  I believe I'm in my 8th week now, which seems to be an eternity both from the beginning and end of this pregnancy.  I'm so happy to have made it this far, despite the pretty brutal "morning" sickness, heartburn, dizziness, food aversions, and now smell sensitivity.  It's been rough, folks, but hopefully in the next few weeks things will start to calm down.  (Did you hear that, bee??  Give me a break!)  How can something the size of a kidney bean cause so much disruption?  It blows my mind.  The big news is that my first ultrasoud is coming up a week from today (Oct. 4) and should give us some reassurance about the health of the pregnancy (knock on wood).  I can't wait to see the first pictures of the bee!

I feel like I've already started nesting, having created a mile-long to-do and to-buy list this weekend that will probably never get done/bought.  It doesn't even have any baby-related things on it yet!  High on the list is buying our first house, but it remains to be seen whether that will happen before the bee's arrival.  We can dream...

The hubs is working late tonight, the first of what will likely be many more late-night office trips.  I wish he could have more time at home and to himself, but I guess being a lawyer doesn't have much to do with not working.  Hopefully the bee won't experience too much of this over the years.

On that slightly wah-wah note, off to bed.

Carbs and Sugar

That's what I'm calling this blog because that's all I've been able to eat for the past couple of weeks, thanks to you, Baby Bee. I'm confounded by the fact that I'm supposed to be eating nothing but the healthiest, purest, organic-est non-processed food and yet I'm completely disgusted by vegetables, meat, most fruits, and anything that doesn't come in a box with bright colors.  I was eating a delicious BLT yesterday at lunch--in public, at a restaurant, of course--thinking it was the best thing I've tasted in quite awhile, when suddenly you, or my hormones, or whatever sadistic power is controlling my crazed body these days, decided I should throw it all up and go hungry instead of nourishing you/myself.  FUN! Barely made it to the bathroom, and traumatized for the rest of the day.

So today I've eaten a bowl of Frosted Flakes and some Ritz crackers with cheese, all of which your loving daddy ran to the store to get for me a few days ago, ever since something inside me (ahem) has decided those are the only things I can eat. Same thing I ate yesterday (minus the BLT, which doesn't count because I puked it up, duh), and will probably eat for the rest of my life. Pop Tarts also sound wonderful. (Mental note--ask the hubs to get some for me. Variety.)  So you see, I am nourishing you with nothing but the best.  Surely you will turn out to be an obese runt with defects up the wazoo. I'm really, really hoping this "morning" sickness goes away soon. By my estimates (which are likely wrong), I'm only 7 weeks, which means I have--at best--another 5 weeks of misery to go, possibly more.

Anyway, I should probably get to the point of this rant, which is not to complain endlessly (whoops), it's to say that I'm pretty darn glad you're inside there, Baby Bee, and I hope to see you in another 8 months or so, happy and healthy. Your dad's pretty excited too, despite all the grocery store runs and other errands he's had to take on lately. Maybe one day when you're older you'll read this blog and know that you're just what we were hoping for.